Untitled (August 23, 2011)

And the music speaks to me
and it says “you will exist beyond this”
and I want to believe.
You are far away, miles and wires from me, and it would be so easy to ignore it all.
There is always that voice though
that tiny chirp of “he’s gonna lose his mind”
and it’ll be all my fault.
I am shuddering, bathed in light, in a room where I am not alone
and I cannot shake myself like I need.
I am not living louder or stronger
I am wasting into dust.
Brevity is the soul of wit and I am going on and on and on and on and-
until someone tells me to shut up and I subside.
Silence.
Silence says “stupid stupid stupid girl to think you meant the world.”
And now we are strangers.
And you become what you hate
….no, you just hated it because I did. Because it got you close and cornered me.
And as I sit, scarlet blushes on my face, afraid of saying a thing
knowing that she’ll get where I was sooner than later
knowing that it didn’t amount to the cost of what I gave for you
(I thought it was because of love.)
So I stay here
and you may never speak to me again
hating me for sticking to something
instead of sliding down into the gutters
where the rats and girls left behind can crawl all over you
and I can sit in a porcelain coffin
and hope someone dares to break it down.